Things I Didn't Know Five Years Ago

Today is Blockette's birthday. Five years ago I had no idea of all thing things that motherhood would bring. Here are a few of the things I have come to discover:

1. When I was pregnant, the smell of bananas triggered morning sickness. The smell still makes me feel green.
2. I'm stuck with these stretch marks.
3. Green yogurt can never be completely washed off the ceiling.
4. I may be back to my pre pregnancy weight, but it has redistributed itself in a way that is less aesthetically pleasing.
5.All that sleep I got when I was pregnant was not because I was tired, it was my body stockpiling for the lack of sleep in the years to come.
6. I will never be able to sleep through the night without having to go to the bathroom.
7. I'll never be able to sneeze without having to go to the bathroom.
8. Those "Hallmark" commercials that made me weep while I was pregnant, still make me cry just as hard.
9. I'd still be experiencing that same helpless "I don't think I can do this" feeling I did when Blockette was a newborn.
10. Just how embarrassing public tantrums are.
11. I thought parenting would get easier with more experience. It would if the rules of the game didn't keep changing.
12. I used to think "Things will get easier when she (insert random milestone here...IE could talk, feed herself, doesn't need diapers)" This is a lie. All you do is trade one difficult thing for another. (IE once they talk they start to mouth off, once they are potty trained they need to use every bathroom they come across.)
13. I foolishly thought the sassy mouth wouldn't start until elementary school.
14. I know the parent's curse works. Whatever you do to your parents, your children will do to you. What I wasn't aware of was that I'd get the joy of experiencing what my husband did to his parents as well.
15. The spontaneous "I love you" makes you feel like your heart is so full it will burst.
16. The "I hate you" makes your heart feel empty, even though you know they don't mean it.
17. When your kid has a 102 fever and they throw up all over you, you won't care.
18. The only time I'd get to go into the bathroom by myself is when Blockette is a sleep.
19. It is impossible to have an uninterrupted phone conversation.
20. The things you hate the most about yourself you will see magnified in your child.
21. My mother is the smartest person in the world.
22. My mother should be nominated for sainthood.
23. Blockette is not a mini me.
24. I function much better than I thought when sleep deprived.
25. I have to work much harder to control my temper.
26. There is always room for Jello.